In Love Again!!!

I am really just shocked and stunned. That’s the best, absolute way to describe how I am feeling at this exact moment. It’s 12:02 a.m. on Saturday, December 8.

And I am in love again.

(Now before you go to flipping and shouting with glee that I have a boyfriend, don’t start throwing confetti as of yet. I haven’t found Mr. Right--or Right Now--but I’ll drop you a line when I do locate him. And if he can‘t stand my inflicting myself upon him. )

I’m talking about Michael.

Michael Jackson.


I really honestly don’t know what the hell happened. Its like a freaking glitter doused freight train hit me. Let me explain.

For the last two months, I had been trying to find an MJ concert DVD I had misplace--Michael live in Brunei, 1996. I mean I hunted all over here and yonder for it, before I found that it had been right under my nose the entire time.

I was excited and popped it into my desktop, which has the largest screen of anything in the house.

And I’ve watched Michael Jackson before. Generally a day doesn’t pass without his little booty shaking on my TV in some show.

But this was different. The Brunei concert evoked a response from me, that I don’t think I’ve had since…since I saw the MSG concert way back in 2001.

It’s so difficult to explain. Like I know I love Michael Jackson. I wake up and go to bed saying that. I still pray for Michael’s soul and his family and everything, like I have since I was a little girl. That hasn’t changed a particle.

But watching that show.

It was like time stopped for me. I literally forgot my surroundings and it was just me and Michael Jackson.

I wasn’t at home in my jammies and sucking on a Vitamin Water.

To me, I was AT that show and I was just flooded with endorphins and dare I say it? I was happy.

Yeah I was happy. I am so seldom happy, to actually feel it was kind of a foreign feeling to me. Some people can’t understand that Michael truly is the only one that makes me feel like that--happy.

So painfully, brilliantly, wonderfully happy.

Over the course of my fandom of Michael, sure there have been times I’ve waned and gotten smacked in the head by Michael to kind of say “Come on back Tiffeny…”

Just a moment where I am reminded WHY I’m a Michael Jackson fanatic in the first place.

Tonight was one of those nights. By the time Michael started tearing into Human Nature, on an over-lit stage, I was done.

Hands balled up, saucer-eyed, singing along. I think a tear or two tried to run.

I just saw the genius at work. The man I loved and adored and who meant so much to me.

Whose legacy I work tirelessly--and with no pay--to uphold.

A warmness of love and affection that I have never felt for any other celebrity, and let’s be honest, most people in general just overtook me and flooded me.

It was so wonderful. It’s a feeling I wish I could have all day, every single day of my life. It was that good.

It’s that feeling that’s driven me since 1995 to flock after Michael. Buy his albums and posters and DVDs.

Wear his shirts and glove and penny loafers.

Try to convert people into fans.

Curse out and punch a naysayer.

It’s funny as a writer, but words seems to fail me. Hard as I may try, I don’t quite think I’ll every be able to articulate just how I feel about Michael Jackson.

It’s like Scarlett and Ashley. Just that kind of thing that burns through pages of romance novels.

But its more than that. I respect Michael.

There’s so few people I genuinely respect and Michael is one of them.

I just don’t know how to say it. I love the man.

When I think back to that day in 2008 when I saw him and touched his arm…God. Looked him in his face and watched him wave and smile in my general direction…

Powerful.

I don’t know if I’m making any sense at all or rambling or what. But I’m just saying what I feel I have to say about Michael Jackson.

I love him.

It’s such a small statement, but carries with it a message that means so much more than that.

I love Michael Jackson.

And I always, always will.

I think the day I’ll stop, is when they lower me in that six-foot hole.

Even them I might not quit.