Three Years Without Michael…

Today is June 25, 2012.



It has been a full three years since Michael Jackson went on home to God, and my heart is still broken. I honestly cannot believe three years have passed and the world has somehow continued to function--albeit riddled with wars and more crime than I ever heard of--without Michael in it.

It’s seemed like a hazy bad dream to me. These three years with out him. The world, my world, just not seem right without him.

Everyday of these last three years, I have always thought of him, always loved him, always prayed for him.

Today, three years after the second worst day of my life, only second to losing my mother it still hurts.

It still hurts me terribly and badly that Michael is gone. I loved Michael so much. And though I say it a lot, I do really mean it: Michael Jackson was my everything.
(He was so beautiful.)

Michael was truly the only thing that makes me happy. No matter how bad I feel, just playing Michael’s music or his videos for any length of time automatically perks me up.

I live for Michael.

With my life, I’ve often had to battle with the idea of my own mortality and people seem to be bothered when I say I would easily give my life up for Michael to come back.

I only matter to a handful of people, if that many, and Michael resonated with millions. If someone said I could give my life to him, I really would. It would be my gift to the world.

But since I can’t, I’ve made everyday like an ever-running tribute to Michael Jackson. He deserves it and I love doing it.



I’m always writing and sharing short stories about him. Playing his music and watching his videos. He is never far from my mind and I prefer it that way.

Now that June 25 has come back around, I am going all out making the entire day an MJ Day.

I don’t care really what the music stations play, or the video stations, I’ll craft my own Michael Day. And if it takes too long, I’ll stretch it out for the week. Already, it’s a little after 8:30 in the morning. I haven’t even had breakfast yet, but I’m starting to play ALL of Michael’s music videos. I’ve got the Visionary set and will be playing all the videos. And when that’s over, I might play a concert and then some of Michael’s TV performances. It’s all how the mood strikes me and I have about maybe 50 MJ DVDs.


Plus I know I can commemorate Michael’s life a hell of a lot better than some stupid, generic TV station like BET or MTV. If I owned a TV station, I’d block out the entire week 2 times a year---the weeks of June 25 and August 29--and make them about Michael.

It makes me feel good to celebrate Michael’s life.

It was a wonderful life and I am glad to have come along and love Michael during the last 15 years of Michael’s life. Even though 15 years sounds like a lot, it’s still not enough for me. I wish he had been here longer.

But I will continue to be a Michael Jackson fan until God calls me home. That’s the vow I made to Michael every June 25. Just because he is gone doesn’t mean he cannot live on.

And even if I end up being the last MJ fan walking the Earth, I will.

I miss Michael everyday and wish he were still here.

I always will miss him because a piece of me if missing without him here.


I MISS YOU MICHAEL!

A Star Is Born

I keep telling you that there is more to me than just Michael Jackson. Some people think I just live and breathe for Michael, never coming out from his crystal adorned aura. That I suffocate myself with moonwalks and crotch grabs. But that’s not true.

I believe I mentioned before that I have a penchant for, love and appreciate classic old films.


One of the films that I loved to see was A Star Is Born, first released in 1937 and starring Janet Gaynor. I first watched A Star is Born, because I loved Janet Gaynor, but only knew her from silent films. (My favorite silent of all time, “Sunrise: A Song of Two Humans” stars her and I cry each time I watch it.I also loved her in Street Angel and Seventh Heaven--a film, not the TV show) But I had never heard Janet in a talkie. I had never heard her voice, can you imagine that?

A Star is Born tells the story of Vicki Lester, once a small town girl, rapidly making her way to superstardom as a Hollywood actress. In the film, Vicki even marries troubled matinee idol, Norman Maine. Eventually, Vicki begins to outperform her husband, becoming a major box office draw, whilst Norman career is slowing to a snails pace.

Eventually, due to constantly being in a drunken stupor, Norman becomes a has-been and no one really remembers who he is.

It all culminates in Norman committing suicide.

I really do love the 1937 version of Star, but I have also seen the 1954 remake starring none other than songstress, Judy Garland.



I have seen it twice and while I LOVE LOVE LOVE Judy Garland,

It is not one of my favorite performances from her. You see, Judy’s version of the film is made into a musical. And while the singing from Judy is absolutely wonderful, it kind of takes away from the serious subject matter in which the film covers.

Judy was supposed to have made the film in 1942, but her current studio executives thought it was too serious for her. It wasn’t until she switches studios, that she was able to make the film and use it as a vehicle to a comeback after waning popularity and a string of movies with buddy, Mickey Rooney.

Judy Garland’s performance is beautiful and heart tugging, just as Janet Gaynor’s way 17 years earlier.

The thing for me is, I guess I’m spoiled The moment Just opens her mouth to start warbling, she transforms back into her most notable role for me.



Dorothy Gale in The Wizard of Oz. Judy will always be endeared to me as this character. I don’t care what film I see her in, what she’s singing, she beomes a wide-eyed, fresh-faced 16 year old in a gingham dress.

And I am transformed back to a little chubby-cheeked 6 year old from when I first saw the picture.

That’s a strong memory to let go of .

With Janet, it’s different. I can watch her morph from role to role, but I have Judy pigeon-holed unfortunately.

I would suggest a first timer to watch the Janet Gaynor version first, but really, either version a person decided to watch is a great film, the way it goes. Check it out. You’ll be happy you did!

A Tremendous Disappointment

Hey Y’all,

I know for the last few weeks, I have been chattering incessantly about the Jacksons concert in Houston. Well, as of now you will NOT be hearing me refer to that show any longer. I found out this morning that it has been cancelled. I am greatly disappointed and hurt to learn this after waiting so long and planning so much. Seven shows so far have been cancelled, and they might as well cancel them all.

That’s all I have to say about that.

I Am Freaking Out!

Hey Y'all.

Now most people who know me would say I am a level-headed person. You know the type of person who is strong-willed.
But as of right now I am freaking the hell out.
As you all know, I am going bonkers waiting for the Jacksons tour. And yesterday, I found out that the Jacksons cancelled two dates on thier tour. Today, I went to Ticketmaster for a look-see at the dates and discovered that three more dates had been dropped for a total of five cancelled shows. I am so sick right now with worry that the show I'm going to is going to be cancelled. I mean I am literally ill. Today, June 4, 2012, in one day, I have have three anxiety attacks and five asthma attacks from the stress and worry. I am not joking, I am not kidding. I am that sick. Because I will be completely, wiped out, Hiroshima'd devastated if that show gets cancelled.

I have literally rearranged my life for that concert. I went hungry the last week of May because I used food money to actually purchase my ticket. (on the upside, I lost three pounds) I mean I've been selecting outfits and bouncing ideas off my friends to the point they wanna punch me. I've started on a diet and have ingested so much cucumbers marinated in vinegar, I should be a pickle my damn self because I want to wear a miniskirt.

I mean, there's not much to my life. I'm being honest and not plugging for sympathy or anything. I have dialysis and I come home. That's it. That's the full extent of it. To keep myself occupied, I write my stories and hang on the net. Like that's it and that concert means so much to me. I mean I lost Michael and missed the whole This Is It tour oppourtunity and while this concert doesn't fully replace it, it is exciting to me. I mean my life if boring. There's no excitement. Maybe I am going a little overboard in my exuberance over the tour, but its my first time for a concert and its exciting. And I would just be so devastated to know that all my work, and lack of food besides cucumbers and distilled vinegar will all have gone to waste.
I'm just worried. I have like 40 days until the show and I am going to be sick the next 40 days and 40 nights until I'm standing in the staduim in Houston with four Black men on a stage below me shaking thier booties.
I won't be satisfied. I mean its just so nerve wracking and I don't want to be disappointed. It would just devastate me.

Let's Get Serious.

And No, I don't mean the Jermaine Jackson song.
It is now June and it is time for me to get extremely serious about the concert. Like I said before, I want to look good in support of the Jacksons and I'm starting to put my diet together. Ideally, I'd like to only consume between 500 and 800 calories a day. So I WILL actually be eating and not starving for 30 days. I'm not looking forward to it, because I hate dieting, but it's only a month and I can do without sugary crap if I can look good in a photo beside the Jacksons--If I can meet them and I;m trying every which way to do it.

I hope I succeed.

I don't know why I decided I wanted to squeeze into a miniskirt for this show, but I am and I will be raiding my favorite store--Forever 21--in my quest for a hot outfit. I have a skirt in mind already, I'd like to wear polka dots for some reason. I don't know where I get these images and ideas in my head from, but I want to look a certain way. It just comes to me like my stories.

I just want to do well and show out. And I can eat regular food after the concert. LOL.


IT kind of is weird how this concert has eclisped every thing for me. LOL. Oh well, 44 days to go.