I Am Freaking Out!

Hey Y'all.

Now most people who know me would say I am a level-headed person. You know the type of person who is strong-willed.
But as of right now I am freaking the hell out.
As you all know, I am going bonkers waiting for the Jacksons tour. And yesterday, I found out that the Jacksons cancelled two dates on thier tour. Today, I went to Ticketmaster for a look-see at the dates and discovered that three more dates had been dropped for a total of five cancelled shows. I am so sick right now with worry that the show I'm going to is going to be cancelled. I mean I am literally ill. Today, June 4, 2012, in one day, I have have three anxiety attacks and five asthma attacks from the stress and worry. I am not joking, I am not kidding. I am that sick. Because I will be completely, wiped out, Hiroshima'd devastated if that show gets cancelled.

I have literally rearranged my life for that concert. I went hungry the last week of May because I used food money to actually purchase my ticket. (on the upside, I lost three pounds) I mean I've been selecting outfits and bouncing ideas off my friends to the point they wanna punch me. I've started on a diet and have ingested so much cucumbers marinated in vinegar, I should be a pickle my damn self because I want to wear a miniskirt.

I mean, there's not much to my life. I'm being honest and not plugging for sympathy or anything. I have dialysis and I come home. That's it. That's the full extent of it. To keep myself occupied, I write my stories and hang on the net. Like that's it and that concert means so much to me. I mean I lost Michael and missed the whole This Is It tour oppourtunity and while this concert doesn't fully replace it, it is exciting to me. I mean my life if boring. There's no excitement. Maybe I am going a little overboard in my exuberance over the tour, but its my first time for a concert and its exciting. And I would just be so devastated to know that all my work, and lack of food besides cucumbers and distilled vinegar will all have gone to waste.
I'm just worried. I have like 40 days until the show and I am going to be sick the next 40 days and 40 nights until I'm standing in the staduim in Houston with four Black men on a stage below me shaking thier booties.
I won't be satisfied. I mean its just so nerve wracking and I don't want to be disappointed. It would just devastate me.