Who Fights Over Lettuce?

Hey Y’all!

Talk about being in the right place at the right time. I saw one Hell of a fight, firsthand, in the last place you’d expect to see one:

The Grocery Store!

I should have known something crazy was going to happen. It was Memorial Day and it was hot, and if you’ve seen the movie Do the Right Thing, crazy shit always goes down on a hot day.

So I was at the local grocery store, just picking up some steaks to cook that night. Now, as I was going into the store, I saw these two women, who looked like a couple of health nuts, you know, sneakers, shorts, sports bras, that sort of thing. I didn’t think anything of it. Everyone needs food.

I went around the store, getting my steaks--I LOVE STEAK--and some seasonings and Worcestershire sauce and things to make a marinade. I was almost through when I realized I needed an onion to make my marinade sing.

I proceeded back to the front of the store, to the produce section to get my onion and saw a show.

I noticed, as I neared the produce section, I could hear loud talking, yelling, but I thought nothing of it. Ill-mannered children always make noise in the store.

Getting closer, I saw a small crowd had formed. So, being the nosy Nancy I am, I asked a guy what was happening.

His words exactly,

“Two bitches gone wild over some lettuce!”

Ridiculous, right?

My curiosity peaked, I gently elbowed my way to the front.

And sure enough, the two health nuts are standing toe to toe, yelling at each other. From what I could gather, one wanted to purchase an iceberg lettuce, which apparently has practically no nutritional value, and the other wanted a head of romaine, which I suppose has some value to it.

So they’re getting loud and as one tries to put their lettuce of chose in the basket, the other is throwing it out.

Eventually, heads of lettuce were being thrown, a poor man who was a bystander took an iceberg to the face, and the two women were swinging punches.

For some women who weighed about a hundred pounds, combined, they were fighting like they were Divas in the WWE. Punching, slapping, kicking. Damn if there was ever a time I wished I had my camera to submit a video to Todd Bridges on World’s Dumbest!

It was a massacre. After a few minutes when it seemed the fight was getting out of hand, the manager and a few checkers came in and tried to break it up, but I guess when you spend all your time in a gym, it works in your favor, cause they could not break it up.

Us bystanders were no help. Hell, we were cheering them on.

I know one lady’s nose got broke, the way it bled.

Someone called the police, and even as the sirens blared, they kept going, dragging back and forth, cursing, spitting and hitting.

Took four big policemen to break it up. I winked at one cop, he kinda looked like Marlon Jackson to me. (He winked back!)

And the Dumb Divas were arrested, of course, and carted away.

It was so, so stupid. I’ve had some fights before, but never over anything so trivial.

And the crazy thing is, that was NOT the first time I’ve seen a fight about lettuce. About 6 years ago, I witnessed an argument about the same thing at Wal-Mart, if you can believe it!

I just wanted share that!