Attaining the Feminine Mystique--PART ONE

Hey Y’all!

First of all, I want to thank everyone for the kind response I received after my previous post “A Return to Femininity”. It was not the kind of response I expected because I assumed people would find my form of nostalgia outmoded and old-fashioned. Just the opposite: it was embraced and praised.

And a friend of mine suggested that I divulge some of the “secrets” of days gone by that could be utilized to make a woman more “feminine”.

I will tell you, I’ve gone through over two thousand pages of old magazines, scouring everything from “help me” columns, to diet ads to extract and squeeze what I could decide to be used for the modern woman of 2013, though the base I used was suggested over eighty years ago.

And I will actually do this by sharing which tips I applied to MYSELF.

In this post I will supply three of several points that help towards the goal of the Feminine Mystique.


1) FIGURE.

Well, y’all, some things never change. Unfortunately, even the oldest magazine that I have in my possession, from July 1926, has ads in it for diets, and diet supplements, and even diet soap. You have to take it as this: Men and women appreciate a nice beautiful body. The only difference between now and 80 years ago, is that the definition of a “beautiful” body has changed quite dramatically. 80 years ago, in 1933, one of the most beautiful bodies belonged to an actress named Jean Harlow, whom, until her untimely death at the age of 26 in 1937, reigned as the first real female “sex symbol” of Hollywood. And Jean was known for her particularly curvy, soft, and voluptuous body. The “Skinny Minnie” woman of today was seen as blatantly unattractive. No woman wanted to be caught dead as a stick with hair. Really, does a man really want to hug and touch skin and bones? NO. He wants to touch boobies and booty and enjoy it. (That’s if he’s got a decent brain working in his skull, and other parts working in his pants.)


(Jean in a swimsuit. As you can see, she girl had a "real" body! She actually got plumper as her career progressed)

On the same note, no woman wanted to be entirely overweight either. We now know the health complications from too much of a good thing. Diabetes, hypertension, heart disease, et cetera. In my previous post, I stated the amazing menu in which a woman could lose weight.

I did see two or three articles aimed at what “Photoplay” magazine’s health guru Sylvia called “Skinnies” (she unfortunately called the fat women “Fatties”!) and according to Sylvia, it was suggested that skinny women were nervous creatures who needed to eat properly, sleep, and have a moderate amount of exercise.

(Just a side note, I don’t believe that. When I was tipping scales at 260 pounds, I was just as keyed up then as I am now at 165--I lost five pounds I discovered at a recent doctor’s visit!!!)

But this is what was prescribed to the Skinny trying to put on “Firm Flesh”.

There was no eating of candy and crap and pizza and fast food. In 1933, McDonald’s did NOT exist! And there was exercise prescribed.

Most of the exercises she prescribed were designed to build up the bust, arms and shoulders. Such as doing the breaststroke swim move to enlarge the breasts. (I’m doing this, if it works, I’ll reveal in the future.) also the rest of the body. It was not to just be slender, but curvy. And LOOK like a woman.

This is to GAIN weight so if you’re trying to take off poundage, do NOT do this!

General Building Up Diet:

~~Breakfast~~

Big glass of orange or grape fruit juice.

Twenty minutes later

Dish of hominy with ripe sliced bananas and certified milk and sugar.

Coffee or tea with sugar and cream.

Toast with plenty of butter and jam.

(Two hours before lunch, drink a big glass of tomato juice if possible)

((Author’s Note: To be honest, most days I do NOT eat breakfast. I tend to eat sparingly, which would make Sylvia sit up and howl, I’m sure, as she stressed plenty of nutritious, healthy foods))

~~Luncheon~~

Bowl of thick soup.

(Cream of mushroom or Cream of tomato or Cream of celery or Thick vegetable soup or Chicken okra with rice or noodles.)

Green salad and often half an avocado.

Spaghetti (with butter — allowed to melt after the food is off the fire).

Egg noodles (with butter).

Chocolate or rice or bread pudding or Cup custard or Stewed fruits with cream.

Bottle of certified milk. (In the middle of the afternoon a glass of

milk.)

~~Dinner~~

Fruit cocktail.

Soup (cream or clear).

Any sort of meat that is broiled or roasted, and gravy; but skim off the fat—it's hard to digest.

Two vegetables (creamed or with butter, and put the butter on after the vegetables are done. Use plenty).

Glass of milk

Cup custard or Ice Cream or Pudding.

(Beware of pies unless you are sure you can digest them.)

Sylvia also prescribes plenty of sleep.



((Author’s Note: Now to tell the truth, Sylvia would probably make millions off of me because I eat like a hummingbird and I just don’t sleep like a normal human being. I wake 6-7 times every night and drink coffee by the gallon.))


But 80 years ago, there was a fixation on a youthful, healthy appearance. Bright eyes, glowing skin, shiny hair. Not this half-starved, looked like you just escaped from a concentration camp sort of look that rules the roost now. I know I will NEVER be a stick. I come from big, stocky people. It just ain’t in my DNA to be a stick.

But I do try to keep my figure lines pleasant. I don’t want to look so fragile a man is scared to touch me for fear something will break.

And once you get that figure--I realize it is harder for some than others, based on genetics and things of the sort--you’ll want to show off the results.

That leads me to my next point.


2) MAKEUP

In the 1930s, it was made out that every woman, unless she was Amish, wore some form of make up to accent her features. And today, that hasn’t changed a particle. Women still use cosmetics to accent what God gave them and hide what they don‘t like that was given to them,. LOL.

I am a particular stickler for my make up. I simply will not leave my house unless my “face” is on just right. It’s just a part of my personality that is there. That is literally the first thing I do in the morning, grab a cup of coffee for breakfast, clean up and stumble to my make up. And in the 30s, make up was advertised as helping women bring out and show off their “charm” and “allure”. in a culture that emphasized getting a man and marrying him, looking your best to hook that man was essential.

It does something to me when I see a pretty woman with nothing on to enhance herself. Now I know every woman can’t do it. Some might have a house full of babies to tend to or can’t afford it. That’s fine, and I respect those circumstances. But if a woman CAN afford it and has the time, by all means, do it damn it!

I make up my face and my products were all bought at Walgreens and on the CHEAP.

I’ll tell the truth, what I use on my face daily is this:

Eye shadow primer: 9.00

Face powder 9.00

Eye shadow from palate of 100, 10.00

Bronzer 8.00 (I use very little of this and so it lasts.)

Blush 6.00 (I use so little it’s lasted me a YEAR)

Liquid lipstick 3.00

Eyeliner 1.00

Mascara 7.00

All of that for a grand total of 53 dollars! And I did not buy it all at once. The most expensive thing in my make up arsenal is a large brush I bought for 21 dollars to apply the bronzer.

And depending on what I do, I am done in less than 30 minutes tops--and that’s if I’m going out to an important event too!

Now like I say, every woman may not be out to attract a man (or a woman if that’s the way you swing) but, I think its nice when a person gets complimented on their appearance or hit on. I don’t care who you are or THINK you are, you puff up a bit if someone says “Gosh, you look nice.” or “Hey, you’re pretty.”

I do.

And I’ve had some people complain that they don’t know how to put on make up or keep it on or what colors to use.

You got two options baby, run over a make up counter in the mall and get instruction from a trained beauty specialist, or do like I did: Trial and Error.

You’re looking at a girl who tried to wear a frosted red lipstick, never again.

I do have a background in beauty pageants, but I did not get proper instruction on how to apply my face. It was impossible to, when you’re up at 6 AM in a room crowded with a dozen other girls in robes and curlers waiting for her turn to be made up.

Most often all the woman would ask what color my dress or costume was and a coordinating shade went on my face and I was dragged away by my mother to get put into my dress. Most often my dress was white and I’d have silver eye shadow.

That’s it. Sometimes a lady who made me up would have twenty other girls to do. It wasn’t time for a consultation.

The point is no matter how “ugly” a girl may think she is, she has something to her face that can be made a focal point. Her eyes her cheeks, her lips.

Something. Sure some chicks are prettier. Some are “uglier” that’s what makes the world go around.

Some people whine they want men to talk to them, be attracted to them. Well, hell give them something to look out. Give them something to say, “Wow, dig that girl, let me holler at her.”

I’m sorry, men are basic creatures. They’re like magpies, if something is sparkly, it catches their attention.

I’m not saying spackle it on like Bozo the clown but accentuate what God gave you. He gave it to you for a reason! You have to try. It’s not something that comes easily. It takes practice. It took me a long while to find a groove for what looked well and nice on me. I still can’t apply lipstick properly! It varies from woman to the next what works on her.

I’m brown skinned with black hair and brown eyes. What works for me will NOT work for my friend Stacie who is medium skinned, with hazel eyes and (last times I checked) blonde hair. What works for her will NOT work for my friend Lulu, who is fair skinned with dark brown hair and green eyes.

To each her own. Within each hair/skin/eye color combo, there is a bit of wiggle room. My friend Ebonie is brown skinned--lighter than me, but darker than Stacie--with dark eyes and dark hair. What works on me might not work on her.

You have to figure it out.

That leads me to my third point of this post.


3) COLORS
Brace yourselves kids…this is another of those Trial and Error type things. Women, unless they are in a nudist colony, cannot walk around naked. Men would like it, but it’s just not so. And before you go digging in that damn closet, consider the coloring of your clothing. Does it compliment your complexion? Does it add to your looks? Does it bring color into your face or accent it? Consider this. Your clothing should do more than just cover your ass or show off your figure. It does nothing, if your clothes have good lines, but the color disagrees with your complexion. It’s like tying two cats together by their tails: it’s a disaster.

This is actually something I learned in my pageant experience. The wrong color of a costume, I’ve seen, can cost a girl her crown. And in normal life, it can make or break an outfit.

The safe bets for girls in pageants were a white dress. If you were a white girl, it accented your tan, hair and eye color, if you were black, or some other form of “color” it showed off your color. Pink is popular, as long as it agreed with a complexion.

For instance the same baby pink dress you’d put on a fair, blonde, blue eyed child, would not work for the olive skinned, dark child. And vice versa.

There is a wide variety of color and within that, is much room for error. I don’t care how attractive the color of a garment is, slip it on your body and see if it works for you. I once saw a beautiful mint green leather jacket in the mall. It was gorgeous with silver studding all over it. I had to have it. I grabbed it and ran to the dressing room with it. I slipped it on and gagged.

I looked like Shrek. It was terrible. It sucked all the color out of my skin, and was just a disaster. I threw it back on the rack. Had it been darker, a Kelly or Hunter green, it would have worked on my complexion. Now my friend Lulu, who is paler, would have looked like a damn rock star in that jacket! And with her green eyes… she’d have shut it down.

But it wasn’t a mistake I could risk, especially not for 160 dollars! LOL.

There are some colors though, that when applied correctly, do work universally:

(Neutrals)

Grey

Black

Brown

Taupe/Tan

White

(Semi-Neutrals)

Army/Dark Green

Navy Blue

Burgundy/Maroon

And in the color, pay attention to the intensity. Generally, I think of this: the darker a woman, the more intensity she can use in her clothing.

Let’s take me and my friend Lulu again.

We love The Jacksons, and run a club for Marlon. Let’s say, for instance, we both want to attend a Jacksons show and decide to coordinate in blue dresses.

I’d pick something along the lines of a navy or cobalt blue. Lulu can take a Baby or French Blue, which is much lighter. (Lulu is actually French, so she might find that French Blue working for her complexion hilarious.) But since Lulu has particularly dark hair, the navy or cobalt, in the right saturation would work for her. Too dark and it may age her and she’s very young.

And don’t think this color thing is only a woe for a woman. Men have to be picky about their colors, too.

I used to admire Michael Jackson for his clothing choices. As his skin grew progressively lighter, he would wear bold, saturated colors. Even his black clothes were rich, which he could carry well, though he was extremely fair, but had very black hair and brows and at times, black facial hair.

I usually agreed and loved everything he tossed on.

One choice that still bothers to this day, I never understood, was he visited some place and wore a light, pale, baby blue and black jacket. I wanted to crawl out of my skin when I saw him. The blue was a mess and brought an odd, yellow cast to Michael. He looked like a lemon in it, he was so sallow. The was nothing different. He was the same. Same hair, same complexion, same make up, just the color of the jacket clashed with his skin. I didn’t see HIM, I saw what the jacket was doing to him and wanted to yank it off his slim ass and burn it.

When he stopped wearing it--he made 2 or 3 appearances in it--I was happy.

Ladies, please consider and try different colors. Have fun with it. The whole point of is this for you to enjoy yourself and explore and bring out the best YOU there is. If you do make a mistake, it’s not the end of the world. No one is perfect.

One word of advice, though. If you do drastically change your hair color-- more than two shades in either direction--it will impact your clothing AND make up choices.

Also if you were tanner in warmer months and pale out in cooler ones, consider your choices again.

I bring this post to a close with one word of advice. Remember, if you do decide to make yourself over--as I am in the process of doing--make sure that everything you do, be it change your hairstyle, make up or clothing, the most important person who has to like it is YOU. You have to wear what you buy and what you do to yourself. If YOU don’t like it, YOU will be miserable. (And anything else that comes along, a date, a fiancé, a spouse, compliments, et, cetera, are all gravy on top.)

My next post will highlight more points of attaining the Feminine Mystique.

A Return to Femininity

Hey Y’all,

I believe for the greater part of my life, if not all of it, I have lived in a bit of a time warp. I seemed to have always been a generation or so behind my contemporaries. I am 27 years old, which I am not the least bit ashamed to admit, and was born in 1986. But from the moment I came into the world, I was thrown back at least twenty years. I have very vivid memories from the earliest years of my life, of sitting on the floor in my mother’s bedroom, eating Cheerios right out the box and watching such television shows as “Batman”, “Get Smart”, “The Beverly Hillbillies”, “Bewitched” and “Gilligan’s Island”, all popular shows from the 1960s. I even watched “Dennis the Menace” which was filmed in the 1950s! I am the children of older parents. My father was 59 at the time of my birth and my mother was 35. My father was “Mr. Mom” as my mother was the “working stiff” in the family. And as a kid I naturally watched what my father watched, which was the likes of Charlie Chaplin, The Three Stooges and Laurel and Hardy.

And to this day, I know I have interests that are extremely and vastly varied from my peer group. I don’t have much care for anything to do with popular culture now, outside of that tiny Hispanic Pixie, Bruno Mars, who is quite cute. I rarely pay attention. I am more comfortable with old classic films, and actually schedule my month around the film schedule of Turner Classic Movies. (TCM).

I have always been fascinated by old films. Just the other night, TCM showed one of my favorite silent films--a German masterpiece called “Metropolis”. I was as excited for this film as my friends would have been about the new Tyler Perry movie.

I generally watch movies from the silent era to the 1980s--skipping the 1970s altogether. For a long time, I wasn’t quite sure what exactly drew me to films by the likes of Bette Davis, Barbara Stanwyck, and Joan Crawford.

It’s practically taken me a lifetime to figure out why and just recently my mind got the memo.

About a week ago, I discovered a fantastic website that scans of hundreds of old magazines, and I began reading my favorite--a very popular film/movie magazine called “Photoplay” that was at it’s height during the 20-50s. Never have I been happier than when I started to read this magazine. It covered the stars I held dear to my heart as their careers began, crested, and sadly, declined.


July 1926 cover with Dorothy Mackail!

In downloading the reading the first books--I pulled the latter issues from the year 1931--it dawned on me why I liked that era so much.

Ladies were ladies.

Not to say women aren’t ladies now, but it was very much apparent back in the 1930s. “Photoplay” was marketed to a mostly female clientele and in between articles on what Clark Gable did on vacation and what color Jean Harlow has dyed her hair, were numerous ads for hair, skin and makeup products, far more than you see in a magazine now. And they were arranged as articles, not just “Buy This Now!”

There were articles on not just dieting for plump and fat women, but body-building, weight-gaining meals for skinny girls. Can you imagine in this day and age an article about GAINING weight?

An underweight girl writing in for advice got this response:


Bessie: You are considerably underweight for you height. I think if you tried to gain weight, for a while, you would discover your whole figure will become more perfectly developed. Try eating fattening foods (!) drink milk and cream several times a day and get plenty of rest.
Every article I see now tells people to move, do this exercise, try this new piece of equipment. The only time a doctor advised me to relax is when I suffered heat exhaustion one day.

And this was advised as a “Dinner” for a woman trying to LOSE weight:


One Slice Cold Roast Lamb

Twp Heaping Tablespoons of Squash

Mint Sauce

One Tablespoon Green Peas

Medium Sized Tomato Salad

Mineral Oil or Vinegar

Two Small Biscuits

Half a Cantaloupe

One Glass of Skimmed Milk

How many women now would rather leap from the Empire State Building than do THAT?



(Just for the record, I don’t eat that much food in a DAY!)

((Although for the month of September I am adopting what I call the “Bette Davis Breakfast” which I read about her eating in 1932, regularly: It’s a cup of black coffee and a slice of raisin bread. I sweeten my coffee though. It’s just to prep for Fall and get the pesky five pounds I want to lose OFF. ))


Everything was aimed at making women dainty, and beautiful and helping them with catching a husband.

Do women nowadays even want to catch husbands?

To make the best of their curves. To HAVE curves rather than be moving sticks.

“Photoplay” even had a columnist who would tell girls what colors suited their hair, skin, and eye color the best. Even though, in 1931, it was targeted almost exclusively to white women, I could pull and take little bits for myself as a black woman. (They considered a “brunette” in those days to be a white woman with olive skin, black hair and brown eyes. My skin is just darker than olive. )

You just don’t see articles like that anymore. Telling women how to look their best, how to style their hair and what colors to wear and how to be popular with men without running out with open legs. How to flirt.

How to find a husband. You see more about how people are divorcing, rather than getting married. Or wanting to get married. It appeals to the old-fashioned woman in me I suppose. I would like to get married and be a mother to one or two kids. I would like to be pretty and have my husband happy to look at me and think he has a lovely little wife.

I don’t think I am a superficial person, its just in this day and age it does kind of bother me when I see some women who go out looking like what the cat dragged in and not seeming to care.

A woman doesn’t have to be decked out like she’s en route to a red carpet event, but I actually have moments when I look at other ladies and think, “My, what wonders a dab of lipstick would do for her” or “If only her clothes fit more properly.”

Perhaps women’s lib destroyed that bit of femininity in some women, I don’t know.

But I just like to try to accent my appearance as much as possible. Maybe it came from my younger years when I was fat and ugly and teased mercilessly over it. Maybe it is a way of ensuring I’m not teased, even as an adult. I don’t know, but I pause to take the time to do my make up, even if its for a run to the grocery store in jeans and a tee.

I’d rather have a man say “Hi Pretty Lady” instead of “Hey Lard-Ass” any day.

Is it such an awful thing to want one boyfriend, to want to know how to attract one and hold him with charm, rather than flopping through a line of nobodies? (And it would help if he had large, sumptuous lips like Marlon Jackson.) To attract some bumble bees, you gotta sprinkle on the honey.

What man wants an ugly woman, a woman who appears unkempt, and doesn’t look to care for herself?

I look away from men with saggy trousers, with their boxers peeking out, clean on a good day, with nappy kinky hair all over.

I don’t think I’m being a snob, but if I go hungry half the day and lose around 45 minutes of sleep a day to look good, my man should look halfway decent himself.

As terribly as I hate dialysis, I have my “face” on for it. Once I had to be there at 3 am. At 3 am before the cocks crowed, I was made up and waiting my turn.

I try to ignore the fact I am “ill” and try not to look “ill” by any means.

I don’t hate my appearance now, as some people would cry I put on makeup to hide myself. I am comfortably 165 pounds, down from 260 at my fattest. (And dieting off and on within a given month to maintain/lose.)

Without make up, I have my late mother’s face. And I think my late mother was a beautiful woman. (But every girl probably thinks her mother was beautiful) I will admit that, as I wore glasses from the time I was in the 3^rd grade, I do have dark circles under my eyes. It’s a “flaw” I hide with a swipe of concealer each day.

Every so often I get compliments on my appearance, and it’s nice. And I see other women and wonder if they get compliments, would like to get them. It’s a kind boost to the mind and system.

But the most important thing, is I feel better about myself. I think I’m so drawn to the ladies of the bygone era because they looked like ladies. Sure they had a team of Max Factor stylists riding their asses, but I have seen pictures from that era of “normal” women, who worked normal jobs and had had normal families. They weren’t stars in any sense, were not rich and did housework themselves. And they still had their hair, nails and make up on, looking every bit as feminine as any Hollywood manufactured star.

Perhaps I’m backwards or a liability to women’s lib, but I want to be pretty. Does it really make a woman stupid if she powders her nose, applies lipstick and blush? I don’t think so.

I’m still as intelligent in jammies and Pond’s face cream, as I am with my face on.

I wish that there could be a return to femininity. There is a difference between being “feminine” and being “hot”.

I noticed all of the old ads used wording like “beautiful”, “alluring”, “dainty” , “enchanting” and “lady-like”.

There wasn’t a hot or sexy anywhere. Even at the mention of Jean Harlow and that woman was “sex” personified. (She was married and divorce twice before dying at the age of 26! And I can’t even get a damn date!)

Feminine is the kind of respectable woman that can be taken home to Mother. Not a woman who seems to only romp in the backseats of cars.

I don’t see that kind of respectability anymore. It makes me sad, because if I miss it now in 2013, what can I possibly say one day to my future daughter if it’s completely gone 5, 10 or 20 years from now?

It’s not backwards to be feminine, it’s more of…a privilege to a woman, I think. To take pride in herself and make what God gave them look its best. I think it shows a lady cares for herself.

And she has to care for herself, before anyone else will.

I just wanted to mention that, and I hope it makes some kind of modicum of sense.


(I like these old magazines immensely and may write more about them as I read through them. I’ve only loaded the latter half of 1926, all of 1927, and the latter half of 1932, as I particularly like films from those years. I‘ll load more soon, or as many was my USB flash drive will allow.)